How to Read the Newspaper

This week, we are writing about how to read a newspaper. It seems, after all, a simple thing to do. Look at the articles and read the one you want. But it is not.

Let me explain.

How you read the paper during the week will be very different from how you read it on the weekend. If you have kids, this is even more so.

This is my routine during the week:

  1. Go for a run.
  2. Grab the paper at the front door on my way back in.
  3. Drop the paper on the kitchen counter.
  4. Scan the front page articles and pick one to read.
  5. Put bread in the toaster and boil the water for tea.
  6. Remind kids to prepare breakfast.
  7. Try to read chosen article while toast is toasting and water is boiling.
  8. Make tea and toast.
  9. Tell kids to prepare breakfast.
  10. Scan other pages for interesting titles.
  11. Yell at kids to prepare breakfast or they won’t be able to have screen time for a month.
  12. Go take a shower and get ready for work.
  13. Take lunch from fridge, look longingly at paper.
  14. Yell at kids to get ready for school.
  15. Go to work.

This is my routine during the weekend:

  1. Wake up.
  2. Make sure kids are still sleeping. Perfect.
  3. Grab the paper.
  4. Sit down.
  5. Look at the first section of the paper. Attempt to begin reading.
  6. Sigh with exasperation.
  7. Deal with kids by turning on the TV.
  8. Return to first section of paper, now being looked at by Jen (note choice of word “look”).
  9. Grab the Analysis section of paper.
  10. Half-heartedly read some analysis while looking to see if Jen is done with first section.
  11. Jump on first section when Jen gets up to make her coffee.
  12. Deal with bloody kids again.
  13. Finally read most articles, especially those dealing with international news.
  14. Fight with son for Sports section.
  15. Read it.
  16. Sit back, satisfied.

I hope that this how-to will help you in your own quest for reading the paper. I really do. Now check out Jen’s look at how to read the paper!


One Response to “How to Read the Newspaper”

  1. Head to the can
    Make groaning noises for 10 minutes
    Double flush
    Come out lighter, and smarter.

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