A Man’s Guide To Buying Lingerie For His Wife

So…lingerie. Kind of a tough thing to buy if you’re a man.

Years ago, I decided I would buy Jen some lingerie. She had a few items, but they were old and she rarely trotted them out, much to my chagrin. It should be easy to get her something she’ll like, I told myself at the time. No problem at all, right?

How wrong I was. The fact is, I don’t even remember what I got her. Nor does Jen. Clearly, it was not a winning purchase. But I do remember being completely unprepared and clueless. Hence the result.

Let me save you, my fellow readers, from a similar experience. Follow this guide, and you should be able to get a sexy outfit for your wife without having too much trouble.*

  1. Always…no…NEVER assume your significant other will fit into that super sexy, tiny number.
  2. Also, NEVER buy a size too big to make sure she fits in it. That will prompt a “You really think I’m that fat??” comment, followed by banishment to the couch for a few nights.
  3. Know the difference between classy and slutty. Rarely will the slutty elicit a positive response (or maybe it might…). If you can’t tell the difference, visit a strip club. Whatever the girls are wearing, don’t buy that.
  4. When at the store, ask for help. Don’t just sit there, staring at various outfits. It’s creepy.
  5. Don’t tell the person helping you, “I’m not sure what size she is…I guess they are a few sizes bigger than yours”. Some women don’t like that. The help you get after that may be somewhat reluctant and bitchy.
  6. To avoid #5, make sure you take a peak at her bra size and clothing sizes. Your wife’s, not the person helping you.
  7. Asking the person helping you to model the outfit is probably not a good idea. Just sayin’.
  8. Pick a colour she’ll like. For instance, grey is a no go. Don’t go there.
  9. Once you’ve made your choice, put some thought into how you will give it to her. Handing her the bag you got at the store and saying “Here you go baby” while cracking open a beer and turning on the hockey game is not going to work well for you.

There you have it folks. My guide. Of course, I haven’t bought lingerie since that day years ago. So, really, my guide is just something I think will work. But I plan on making use of it sometime in the near future. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’d be happy to hear if any of you have guides of your own for lingerie shopping! Meanwhile, check out Jen’s post on Lingerie!

*I cannot guarantee this statement. If you choose to buy your wife lingerie, don’t come crying to me later because my guide didn’t work. After all, it’s your own fault if you went to the strip club, took pictures for research purposes, got thrown out and were caught later by your wife who found the photos on your phone.**

**This never happened. I just made it up. But it could happen to you.

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3 Responses to “A Man’s Guide To Buying Lingerie For His Wife”

  1. Kelly Elder Says:

    Hahahahahaha. Great advice!

  2. Loved the humour pal! But on a serious note, would you link this unwillingness to buy women clothing by us males as trying to avoid taking responsibility?

    Shakti

  3. I love your and your partners blogs, such a superb and entertaining idea. So I have nominated both of you to a couple of blog awards, and wish that you claim them *by answering my 5 questions at the same time with your partner* 🙂 http://freebutfun.wordpress.com/2013/11/07/awards/

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